Most confidence recordings tell you that you are powerful, magnetic and unstoppable. If you do not already believe it, a voice in your head answers, “No, I’m not,” and the recording makes things slightly worse.
This script takes a different line. It builds on things that are true: what you have already coped with, qualities you actually have, and one real situation you want to handle better.
Do this before recording
Take five minutes with a pen. The script has gaps for your answers.
1. Three things you have dealt with. Hard things you got through. They need not be dramatic.
2. Two or three qualities that people who know you would agree you have. Reliable. Kind. Persistent. Funny. Careful.
3. One situation in the next few weeks where you want to feel steadier. Be specific: the Tuesday meeting, the phone call to the landlord, walking into the party.
4. How you want to be in it. Not perfect. Something like: “calm enough to say what I think.”
5. A cue word for that state: “steady,” “grounded,” “here.”
Recording tips
- Speak slowly, pausing three to five seconds at the dots and ten at each (pause).
- Read your own answers into the gaps.
- Use it seated or lying down, somewhere safe.
The script
I settle comfortably… and let my eyes close… I breathe in gently… and out slowly… And again… With each breath out, my shoulders drop… my jaw loosens… my body grows still. (pause)
I count from five down to one… settling further with each number… Five… Four… Three… Two… One. (pause)
I imagine myself standing somewhere I feel at ease… my feet planted… the ground firm beneath me… I feel my weight resting evenly… my spine tall without effort… my chest open. (pause)
This is how steadiness feels in my body… and my body remembers it.
I think back to something I have already come through… [name the first thing]… I remember that it was difficult… and that I dealt with it. (pause)
And another… [name the second]… I did not know then how it would turn out… and I found a way through. (pause)
And another… [name the third]… (pause)
These are facts… I am someone who has coped with hard things… and that ability comes with me wherever I go.
I think of what the people who know me would say… that I am [first quality]… [second quality]… [third quality]… I let those words settle… They are true. (pause)
I do not have to be perfect… I do not have to be the most confident person in the room… I only have to be myself… present… and willing.
If I feel nervous, that is all right… Nerves are energy… I can feel them and still do what I came to do. (pause)
Now I picture the situation ahead… [name it]… I see where I will be… who is there… what is around me… (pause)
I see myself arriving… I feel my feet on the floor… I take one slow breath… and I say my word to myself… [cue word]… (pause)
I watch myself begin… My voice is steady… I say what I mean… I take my time. (pause)
If something goes less than perfectly… a stumble… a pause… I notice it… breathe… and carry on… It matters far less than I feared. (pause)
I see it coming to an end… and I notice how I feel… pleased that I did it… a little prouder… a little stronger. (pause)
Each time I do something like this, it becomes easier… Each day I feel a little steadier in myself.
I speak to myself the way I would speak to a good friend… with patience… and encouragement.
Whenever I take a slow breath and say my word… [cue word]… this steadiness returns. (pause)
In a moment I will count from one to five… and at five I will open my eyes… feeling calm… clear… and quietly confident.
One… Two… feeling my feet… Three… breathing a little deeper… Four… alert… Five… eyes open… steady and ready.
How to use it
- Listen once a day for two weeks, and daily in the week before your chosen situation.
- Use the cue in real life: one slow breath, the word.
- Then do the thing. Confidence is built by action. The script prepares you. It does not replace doing it.
- Afterwards, note what went well. Add it to your list of evidence.
- Update the script with a new situation when the first is done.
Why it is written this way
- Body first. Posture and breathing shape how confident you feel.
- Evidence, not assertion. Statements you can check against your own life do not trigger an inner argument.
- “I do not have to be perfect.” Perfectionism is a large part of low confidence.
- Nerves as energy. Research suggests that relabelling arousal works better than trying to suppress it.
- A rehearsed stumble. Practising recovery is more useful than practising a flawless performance, because the fear is usually of what happens if something goes wrong.
- “A little steadier each day.” Gradual change is believable.
- Self-compassion. People who treat their own failings kindly tend to be more resilient than those who rely on thinking highly of themselves.
If “I am” statements do not ring true
Soften them.
- “I am becoming more confident.”
- “I am learning to trust myself.”
- “I am willing to try.”
- “It is possible that I can do this.”
Start where you honestly are.
Build confidence outside the recording
- Small steps. Choose things slightly outside your comfort zone and do them regularly.
- Prepare. Much of confidence is knowing your material.
- Keep an evidence list and read it when you doubt yourself.
- Notice your self-talk, and ask whether you would say it to a friend.
- Stand and breathe well before you walk in.
When low confidence is more than that
If you feel worthless most of the time, avoid most social situations, or your low opinion of yourself comes with persistent low mood, see your doctor. These can be signs of depression or social anxiety, which are treatable. A script is not enough.
The bottom line
Confidence built on false praise does not hold. Confidence built on what you have already done, rehearsed for one real situation and followed by actually doing it, does. Fill in the gaps honestly, record it, and then go and collect more evidence.
Next in the series: Martin Orne: The Sceptic Who Made Hypnosis Research Honest
This article is for general information and is not medical advice.